illegitimi non carborundum

I don't have interesting things to say right now, I'm just sort of bored and sick of studying physiology. Just ate some pizza and had a beer, and now want to sit around and watch TV. I'm really looking forward to C coming to town on Saturday and hanging out... though I wish I had lots more free time. I'm taking a little break from hockey so I can hang out with her this weekend, otherwise I'd be totally booked.

I've been thinking lately.... this whole 'being hard on myself' thing. It happens to so many people I know - we all have our own issues, whether they revolve around relationships, anxiety, body image, depression, and so forth. And so many of my friends and family (and myself) are excruciatingly difficult on ourselves. It's kind of scary when you realize this is happening on a global level. What is society's role in this? Are we breeding ourselves to be anxious, stressed-out and unhappy creatures? I don't want to be that person, and I totally am right now. I suppose this is part of my desire to move back to VT. I'm really craving a much simpler life. I know I need to actively work on my anxiety issues, but I also want to create an environment for myself that doesn't trigger unnecessary episodes.

I want to be a healer. I want to live in a smaller community. I want to have kids, and get married. I want my own house and yard. I want to travel occasionally, or as much as I can (to what finances allow). I want to live creatively and not follow this "normal" path of white-collar job and buy a dog and have a few kids and a picket fence and a depressing sense of obligation to who-knows-what. I want to be conscious, and live in the present. I want to drink beer and play aggressive sports. I want to be healthy and take care of myself, and learn to love myself. I want to learn how not to trip over this whole 'life' thing, but instead dance through it.