I got the bug

I don't like it when I feel envious. It's not a feeling I'm proud of, and desperately wish I could just will it away. Let me back up - I just spoke to a friend of mine, and I'm constantly amazed at how much she travels. She just did a three week stint in India (where she went to two weddings!), spent the holidays in Mexico, and is now planning this upcoming year... a week in Hawaii next month for spring break, a trip with her family to Israel in June, 10 weeks this fall in London (for school) with a month in Europe just before to see as much as she can before her final semester. Interestingly enough, all this travel isn't even an aberration of her normal schedule. And I'm so so happy for her; she's a wonderful person and totally deserves all this fun stuff. I just can't help but feel the twinges of envy.

It's made more intense by the fact that it's mid February and I'm sick of winter, and that many other people I know are either traveling right now to wonderful places, or are about to embark soon. I am so ready to go on vacation! Besides going to weddings, it's been about 3 years since my last vacation, and I'm chomping at the bit to go somewhere. Though given our current situation, this won't be a possibility until we erase our debt - our reason for moving back to Boston.

And I am truly grateful for all that I do have - an amazing husband, fantastic friends and family, a roof over my head, etc. I know I'm luckier than the majority of people in this world, and I really try to remember and appreciate that as much as I can. It's just that every now and then I have these faltering moments when I want to feel sorry for myself. It's embarassing, but there it is. I don't want to ignore it, I'd rather acknowledge it and try to move past it. I'm trying to remind myself how much sweeter a vacation will be when we've paid off our debt and have saved the requisite money. Truly it will be... the product of hard decisions and hard work. So I'm trying to go with that. :)

On another note, it feels pretty surreal being back in town. When I walk down the street I probably have a suspicious look about me, because there's a part of me that feels like the last 10 months never happened. Comfortably slipping back into the same town - and same job! - is quite unsettling. It's not a good or bad thing per se, just... odd. Like - what happened? It's all strangely familiar, yet so much has changed. I wonder how long it will take before that feeling disappears. Maybe I'll consult my Goddess Guidance Oracle cards...