illegitimi non carborundum

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a passionless robot. Seriously. The hubby is just now going back to work because he wants to tool around with a project he's working on. And he's THAT interested in it that he's driving all the way out there to go and do it, at almost 7pm on a Thursday evening. Whaaaa? I honestly don't think I've ever felt that way - or at least it's sufficiently rare that I can't remember doing anything like that.

This is probably why I have such a difficult time trying to figure out what the hell I want to do in my life, especially career-wise. There's a whole bunch of things that fall into the oh-that's-kinda-cool-I-could-be-pretty-decent-at-that category. I even try to shut off that damn left hemisphere to try to really feel it in my gut. And what does my gut tell me? That any number of those things could be interesting AND have their pitfalls. So what's a girl supposed to do with that? Honestly, sometimes I think I should just write down all the potential paths to stroll down and blindly pick one just to make a frigging decision, for chrissakes.

Luckily, I do know a few other people who are like this. One of my good friends from college also struggles with this whole passion question. We're actually very similar in many ways, and both of us have always envied our other friends who were all "I've always wanted to be a doctor ever since I can remember" or "Teaching is exactly the thing I want, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there." Knowing that there are other middle-of-the-roaders out there helps alleviate a little bit of the pressure I feel to boldly forge that path. But even armed with that knowledge doesn't make it any easier when it comes to the actual deciding part. What if I choose wrong? (Yeah, yeah, I know I can always change my mind later, etc but it's a fuckload of money and time invested in many of these choices.)

I don't think it's my brain that will solve this never-ending problem. I think the answer will have to come from elsewhere... though I'm not sure where exactly. What I need to do is heed some advice I received today. Advice not from a friend or relative or even someone I spoke to, but advice I heard in a song while I was bored at work:

don't you worry 'bout your mind
don't you worry 'bout your mind
you should worry 'bout the day
that the painter goes away

you know i miss mine sometimes