Yay, it's snowing! Every single year I get excited about the first snowfall. It's so cozy and magical. (NB: is there a better word than 'magical' that conveys the same feeling? If so, please tell me.) We just got our Christmas tree yesterday, and when my allergies clear up I'll be really excited to smell the scent of pine in our house.
Something that I've been thinking about a lot lately is how we're wired. For example, how much about ourselves is changeable? When it comes to nature v. nurture there are surely elements of both in the grand scheme of things, but how does it break down into smaller pieces? No matter how hard some people try, they'll never be able to curl their tongue because that's solely genetic. But is the same true for drive and ambition?
Here's why I ask. There are so many things I am interested in: yoga, reading, ice hockey, school, health, cooking, music, cycling, meditation, etc. And for the most part I'm happy to be a generalist. But there are times when it really bugs me, because I'm never amazing at anything. And it totally IS due to lack of trying much of the time, because I can't be bothered to put in the time it takes to become a master at something. I get bored or lazy. Which sounds weird, because I truly like all of these activities/subjects. But I just cannot force myself to really get in-depth with any particular one. I'm not wired that way; I'm spread more thinly.
Yet the caveat here is that I'm just Type A enough to become impatient and frustrated with myself that I hate it when I'm not good at something right away. These feelings always come up particularly when I play hockey or try to figure out my career arc. Both make me feel like I wish I was more passionate, so I could keep my nose to the grindstone and really take off. But I'm too much of a (sometimes precariously) balancing act. I must prefer to keep many balls up in the air at once, somewhere deep down. Or at least it's all I know.
So is this how it has to be? Can I alter this facet of my personality? I've spent years wishing I was more like some of my decisive, persistent friends, without avail. Recently I've decided to try to work with this element of myself instead of against it. And I think I've been happier overall, I just have these setbacks.
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2 comments:
Snowfall... magical... surreal?? That's what I feel when there's a lot of accumulation.
As far as feeling spread thin... you shouldn't!!! Perhaps your big thing that you are the master of is, well... being pretty good at lots of things. How great is that?
Your skill set sounds pretty impressive to me, if that makes you feel any better. Add them up and you will perhaps notice how excellent you really are. (Easier said than done, I know...)
How great is it that VT temps were in the single digits this morning?
I feel like that a lot of the time too, being pretty good at a lot of things but certainly not a master at anything. Even at work, I end up doing a lot of different types of projects and tasks since I learn fast and don't have a 'niche', I just do whatever needs to be done. Folks like that are needed to fill in cracks between 'masters' I think :) And I am good at a few sports, but not as good as I'd like, and I still sometimes regret not starting sports earlier in life since I feel like if I had I might have actually done some real competition (varsity teams, nationals w/ a club team for frisbee, etc) but I also like to do so many other things that putting that much into one sport is too tough (I couldn't do long bike rides every weekend!)
I think most people feel like you do, even ones that might surprise you, folks that think are persistent or driven. Its all relative - since how do you measure 'master'? Even the 'masters' probably don't ever feel like masters! Which is probably why they keep working on it.
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